


An Ode to Beastmen

by Omoni



Category: Slayers (anime)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-21
Updated: 2010-10-21
Packaged: 2017-10-12 19:30:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/128280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omoni/pseuds/Omoni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I had a brief discussion with a fellow Slayers fan, and it was agreed that Dilgear gets no love. So here, for fun, is a little Dilgear fic, addressing the injustice of it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Ode to Beastmen

Everyone is always picking on me.

Why? Why do they insist on picking on me?

I could go on to say that it's a beast-man sort of prejudice, that it's always the "norms" that pick on me and annoy me and manage to somehow find a way to kill me in humiliating ways…

But, hell, even beast-men pick on me, too!

I don't see what is so wrong about me. I mean, I'm pretty handsome! I'm tall, I'm strong, and I'm damn good with a sword. I mean, alright, I'm a little similar to a sickly green colour, and when I get wet I sort of smell like a wet dog, but how many times does this actually HAPPEN?

I can understand if I'm thought of as a bad guy. Because, well, yeah, I picked Rezo over Zelgadis, and it turned out that Rezo was the big bad guy in the whole situation…

Can't a guy make a mistake?

Rezo was paying big bucks to keep me loyal. What was Zelgadis paying me? NOTHING. Oh, no, wait, he was paying me in crude jokes about my troll blood. I happen to think that my troll blood is a GOOD thing. I'm a valuable asset to anyone, because it's very hard to kill me, and even when you do, I still come back to life ANYWAYS. Perhaps even BETTER than before!

But, no. No one stops to think about these things! Did anyone ever think that perhaps I was duped as well? Rezo certainly kept me in the dark about the whole "end of the world, all will die" thing. Why would I want the world to end? I like the world! How else will anyone admire me and my skills?

People really need to listen before they assume things. If you pay attention to what I do at all, you'll see that I'm really not such a bad guy. I mean, yes, okay, I attacked Lina Inverse and her band of weirdoes, but so did Zelgadis! In fact, as I recall, I never kicked Lina Inverse in the stomach or electrocuted her, unlike SOME people!

But how many groups of worshipping gaggles of girls do I see on a daily basis for the chimera?

DOZENS.

And how many do I see for me?

NONE!

Is that fair? Is that nice? Is that even morally correct? NO!

So what should I do to make you all see that I'm such a nice guy, and certainly better than Zelgadis? Do I need to learn magic and electrocute some little girls? Isn't healing right before your eyes enough for you people?

I'm not just tough and badass, either! I'm also part wolf! I can be loyal! And my fur! I brush it every day so it's nice and soft. I know how to be cuddly! You've never even FELT softness until you feel the fur on the top of my head, let me tell you. I own that fur and sometimes even I am floored by the softness.

So, the next time you see me, don't run away screaming. Also, please don't throw various types of vegetation at me. I'm tired of eating it all. And above all, stop killing me…

I'm really a nice guy…give me a chance….please?


End file.
